Rev. Melinda Giese, Min. of Discipleship & Pastoral Care
When our church mailed out star words in January for Epiphany, my family received the word “friendship” in the mail. For all of us, friendships have been one of the life savers of the pandemic. My husband, Tom, meets his college friends every Thursday for “virtual happy hour” on zoom in our living room. My daughter’s friends came by our home to drop off presents on her birthday early in the pandemic, extending love and care during a lonely time. My son’s friends often met for late night group phone calls. Through texts and emails, phone calls and the occasional meet up in-person, friends provide some of the bright spots of my Covid life as well.
My star word also reminds me that friendships require time and energy. At this stage of my life, it is easy for work and family to take all my time, and others my age face the same challenge. Seeing friends often takes patience and planning; it rarely happens on its own. The reality is that even a simple dinner with a group of friends can mean scheduling out two months in advance. My star word keeps giving me the extra push I need to reach out, to make the effort, and invest in friendships.
Some of you may be familiar with research from the Harvard Study of Adult Development. For 75 years, the study has tracked 724 men in an effort to learn what keeps us healthy and happy as we go through life. The answer is simple: good relationships with friends and family. The current director of the study, Robert Waldinger, explained in his 2015 TED talk, “People most satisfied in their relationships at age 50 were the healthiest at age 80.” (You can find the link to his talk below.)
If good relationships keep us happier and healthier, the Harvard Study found the opposite is also true. Loneliness kills. This should particularly concern us during a global pandemic when limiting our personal contacts has been necessary to prevent the spread of Covid. During this time, many of our normal ways of socializing ended. Some of our relationships adapted but not all.
We rarely talk about the importance of friendships in church, but Jesus also valued friendships in his own life. At the end of the gospel of John as Jesus is preparing his disciples for his death, Jesus tells them, “I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you” (John 15:15). Jesus never engaged in ministry alone. Instead, he intentionally chose others to work alongside him as companions and ultimately, as friends.
You may not need a star word to remind you of the value of friendships; perhaps the pandemic has helped you to clearly see their importance in your life. If not, consider this your gentle reminder to call or text a friend, or set a date to get together. And if you need more of a push, I encourage you to watch the video of the TED talk titled, “What Makes a Good Life? Lessons from the Longest Study on Happiness.”